January 24, 2010

I am what I am. No more nicknames , no more "Shine"

Shabnam Ghadiri
Born in May 1978

January 14, 2010

Sie ist weg... und ich bin wieder allein allein...

January 12, 2010

My sister is leaving tomorrow , and I'm so fcuking depressed .... Words are avoiding me....

November 08, 2009

I have received my university offer letter , yay !
The only problem is, according to them I'm 24! well, if they insist, no problemo amigo!

October 31, 2009

Iran... It's what "I ran" from.

p.s. First member of the family flew to AUS , curse is broken now.
p.s.2. Remember that IELTS? Well it didn't happen , registration and other stuff , now it will happen in 2 weeks from now. Did not study :S

July 28, 2009

I have just 1 month to get ready for IELTS (and of course from the scratch) :s
I pray for more gray cells in ma brain !
Wish me luck !

p.s. can't switch my accent from American to Australian in just one month , how about that ?! :s

May 17, 2009

To go or not to go... This is the question.


March 15, 2009

I'm not a good person. I'm not even a bad person.
Frankly, I don't think I am a person.

March 12, 2009

- Says who, that you can't wash your rug with a washing machine ? The only problem is , how to iron it now ?!!

February 28, 2009

I'm standing under a mistletoe , wondering if anyone would come...

February 14, 2009

Guys are all the same , in a weird way.

February 09, 2009

My heart is being squeezed so hard these days that I'm expecting a full glass of heart-juice any minute.

It hurts , or even worse , it "khurts"

January 28, 2009

Those who suffer the most , are the ones who don't know what do they want.

January 22, 2009

I'm still wondering , how come you called me on my cell from the garden , while you were sitting right beside me? How come one of you was not you , and if you , I mean , one of you is not you then who the hell is you ?!! I mean the other you , not the one that is you! SO you started to chase me while I was asking you to help me escape from you. I still wonder who was "you" and why were you not you in the other you.
Or maybe I was High ?!!

December 02, 2008

Every single tear that falls from my eyes every single day, will pray to make them feel the way they made me feel every single day….

June 19, 2008

She tore them up , ... finally... after all those years.
In the trash cans all around the city , now he shall exist.
May they Rest In Peace ..............!!!!!!!!!

May 07, 2008

No one can break me... They can just break my heart , but they can't break me...
Time to be tough !
and to be more strong than ever.
Shine is rising up again.

April 27, 2008

Yeah that's what you are.

February 26, 2008

Thinking about the woman , who used to wear mini skirts and had black hair.
The one who used to lay on the bed and laugh loudly...
and then thinking about you who think about the woman who didn't use to wear mini skirts , or even skirts at all , and had no black hair.
The one who used to lay on the bed and cry quietly...
The bed under which lived a short snake , a short snake who used to shower daily and laugh for no reason...
Don't open your eyes... It's been years that there's no woman lying on the bed...
Even the snake is gone...
A track of it's dried saliva has remained under the bed...
I am gone too...
And no woman has black hair anymore...
Regret... of the lost calendar and the broken clock...
Staring at my picture reflected in the eyes of a woman who sold her soul to lust...
Remembering the child who wrote me philosophy...
and loved me...
There wasn't any untold words for you in my silence..
Except the bitter taste of the wall you made for me by your own hands..
Up to the sky ,... to infinity...
The woman...
The woman who trickled her tear drop on the ground....
The ground on which nobody existed...
The woman hidden in masks made of skin and flesh and blood...
Leave me alone.... I'm neither this nor that....

February 24, 2008


February 13, 2008

I won't survive this meeting , I won't survive this project , I won't survive this life , I am already dead.
Shall my soul rest in peace !

February 12, 2008

All I need is a Looooooooooooooooooong time remedy......

January 31, 2008

- Hey listen , I feel you had a strange sorrow in your eyes when I saw you just for a moment yesterday.
- Yeah...
- It is a strange sort of sadness specially when you some how enjoy the pain , you feel like a saint or Jesus or something.
- Yeah....
-I mean it's a physiological matter , when you enjoy the pain and ....
- Yeah....
(Yeah that's me....)

January 29, 2008

You can do it....
Yes you can...

January 17, 2008

My little sorrows
My big sorrows
Those which no one ever saw
Those which remained untold
Not even written
Those which will ruin me in the end
How strong they appear today.....

January 15, 2008

so embrace the flowers of fall
and remember the rain
which will ever weep over landscapes
wide and gray
and feel the rivers
flowing into the waters of life
through oblivion is a mightier water
so majestic, so cold,
so fathomless deep....

(Lacrimas Profundere - Black Swans)

December 30, 2007

55 minutes to Midnight and I'm still in the office.
Not a single cigarette left,
Not a single person to borrow a cigarette left,
Not a single resolution for not wanting a cigarette left,
So I'm leaving !

December 27, 2007

Then it comes to be
that the soothing light
at the end of your tunnel
is just a freight train
coming your way .......!

December 26, 2007

Old silent wounds
Hidden cutlet and cucumbers in brown bag
Six-months-old toothache and three-days-old ones
Smell of unforgettable alive wounds
Lack of fairness
Disgusting smell of shitty life
Hermes purse and PRADA shoes
Missing faraway sweetheart
Far away soul mate...
Memories of beach and beer in redbull bottle
Five pages of yellow letter in laptop bag and fear of not having stamps..
Killing meetings in fifth floor
Five aversion to five things
And sorrows of nothingness...
Today , .... Not much different than everyday....
Old age is on it's way....................
Your innocent hands
My colorful look
My still hair under a wind which has not blown in years...
Blue melody of a violin and the empty window
My silence
and a death which takes you away from me... slowly ...slowly..
and the disgusting look of my people.....
My nails are black
so do my eyes
and this black ring
will keep your mind off of my black thoughts
and that's the beauty of it....

December 24, 2007

My life goes on
But not the same

Into your eyes
My face remains....

December 13, 2007

People Talk...
People Break My Heart....
People Leave...

December 10, 2007

He didn't hear it when she got to the main point , when she finally found the courage to tell him that she loves him.....
He didn't hear it , he got distracted.... A hot girl was passing by............

November 28, 2007

It feels bad to be hated.
Some one hates me here....

I tried so hard to be loved , but in the end...........

November 26, 2007

She doesn't like me the way I like her... and that's a bitter fact !

November 21, 2007

I don't want thongs , I don't want high heels , I hate tight cloths , I don't wanna put on make up , I don't wanna strain my hair , I don't wanna do my nails , I don't wanna smell like Dior , I don't wanna try to lose weight... I don't wanna try to look good , I don't wanna try to look wise and professional , I don't wanna sit in the meetings.... I don't give a shit to concepts of ERP... I don't wanna be part of technology.... I don't wanna analyze anything... I don't want this serious face , I don't want this fake smiles , I don't wanna give fake complements , I don't wanna care anymore... I don't wanna hide my feelings.............

But I do all these.... 'cause I'm a liar...

I just wanna put on my shabby jeans and creepy boots and my loose jacket , I want my hair to be wild and ruffled.... I wanna smell like my cheap Sandal wood perfume... I wanna walk into the woods and smell the rain... I wanna touch the trees and smell them all they long.... I wanna jump and run... I wanna dance like I've never danced before... I wanna cry with loud voice and not be embarrassed.... I wanna speak to my self loudly... I wanna talk to the plants and kiss them... I wanna love myself the way I am .... I wanna be free.......

But I don't do these..... 'cause I'm a liar...

I am a big fat liar...

November 20, 2007

AND NOW SO UNSURE...................................

November 18, 2007

I shouldn't be doing this
I shouldn't be doing this
I shouldn't be doing this
Somebody stop me

November 06, 2007

I am a visitor of your eyes,
Shorter than a breath,
Longer than a life......

October 16, 2007

Loin très loin du monde
Où rien ne meurt jamais
J'ai fait ce long,
Ce doux voyage........

October 09, 2007

I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away ,
mildewed and smoldering , fundamental differing.....

October 01, 2007

This is dedicated to you.
To you that I miss like hell... To you that I had my best time with... To khezershahr o darya sar.. to beach and drunken nights... To rain and us... To driving in rain and sun , day and night... To all the CRAZY things we did together... To all the laughs.... To the feelings I had and have for you... To Farmanieh ... To chips o mast!... To hiding from the others... To Botri bazi... To the smell of your perfume... To the softness of your hair... To the beauty of your face... To the tenderness of your hands... To you who left me here alone...

September 23, 2007

Have you ever experienced , when you dream that you're kissing someone (or something!) , from the morning after you have feelings for him/her/it ?!

Yeah , me neither !!!

September 12, 2007


September 06, 2007

"All was well."

Can any book be finished by a sentence more beautiful , and at the same time more soft and simple than this.....?

September 03, 2007

I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the Hell I'm doing here
I don't belong here
.............Where do I belong anyway?

August 30, 2007

I need to be on a boat today , on the still blue beautiful arms of the ocean... I need to wear my bikini and sunglasses, I need to be lost on the ocean , I need to reach to a tropical island where nobody has ever headed,....
I need to have the island for my own , I need non of my technology stuff work , neither the cellphone , nor the transmitter , ...
I need to build a shelter for myself on the beach for the rains , I need to pick fruits for my food , I need to discover the jungle and caves , I need to plant my favourite things , I need to hear nothing but the sounds of ocean waves and song of rain,.... I need to be free of anything in this world and have the island for me,... I need to name the island after myself , an island which is not on any map , I need to be free and alone ,... with out anything special to do........

but instead all these , ... I'm sitting in my office , on a day which is not even a working day , listening to a crappy music which one of my colleagues has turned on too loud , and doing a difficult job which I don't even like... :(

Speaking of the Island, I can not deny that I am under the impression of LOST series :)

August 27, 2007

I like being a non stop Crazy Girl with my old God damn fuckin Style !
Don't know why, but it makes me feel good !
I count it as a complement ;)

[Although it kinda reminds me of Crazy Frog ! again don't know why]

August 23, 2007

I am happy today
I am proud today
I am today today...

July 05, 2007

Feels something in the middle... I am not dead , but not alive for sure...
The huge waves of tiredness takes me inside,...
All I need , is LONG time remedy....

March 04, 2007

My head is explorin.... Time is passing by, Still a lot to do,.. I'm so far behind of every thing , .... The more I run the less I reach...
I need a big help.
I need a big break.
I need to relax.....................

p.s: Roni where are you................

February 07, 2007

I wanna run away to a place where nobody knows my name.....
I wanna be alone.........
I wanna be free........

January 31, 2007

I feel NASTY inside..........

August 31, 2006

"When there's a will , there's a way"
And i found the way to my wills...........

p.s: I don't even know what the hell is this blog!!! I'm thinking of translating my main blog (My Own Nothingness) posts in this one.... yeah, may be I will Sometime....

August 26, 2006

Tomorrow is the "big day".................

August 23, 2006

Have you ever been that much happy that you can't understand whether you're laughin' or cryin'?! I was like this today!

I wanna thank the angles, the God, the Goddesses, my things (!), Them, or whoever made this day for me.
My prayers came true, Finally !!
and now I'm the happiest girl ever !

August 21, 2006

Yes! At last it came, i need it baaaad, so baaad, and now that I have seen it I know that how much I want it. I am used to get what i really really want, i have to get it, this is my life and it's just depending on them.
And today i pray!
I pray to get what i want, I know you won't disappoint me as you've never did before, Let me through in my new world.......
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh besides all stresses, i feel GREAT for just being there ......

I love you my Sweet Lord, just move a little bit of your pointing finger and everything will be done perfectly!

Yours sincerely

Sometimes I just feel like I wanna write in a different language, the way i sometimes think different , the way i act different, doesn't matter how creepy it would be, or how wonderful, it's just my thoughts in a different way!